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Legal Jesus

And on the third day, he blawged again.

From “David Letterman said on Wednesday night that his lawyers had contacted Joaquin Phoenix to request compensation for the use of Late Showfootage in his fake documentary, I’m Still Here. According to Letterman, Phoenix’s lawyers had initially justified its inclusion as “fair use” of copyrighted work because the movie was a documentary. Since the movie’s actually fake, Letterman said, Phoenix should pay up. Letterman was probably joking, but could he have a case?


[Margarita – Source]

Happy Friday from Pretentious Palates!  Before you get out there and booze it up for the night (we know you’re supposed to be back in the office on Saturday morning), check out this great slides show of “What Booze Looks Like Under A Microscope“!  You can print these out on the firm’s color printers and post them around your office.  All those summer associate interviewees will think you’re an art aficionado, when really you’re just a degenerate drinker.

Check out the Whiskey in the Jar Petri Dish after the jump.

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[Photo Source]

In addition to our reputations as profound thinkers and great lovers, lawyers are also known as major boozebags.  Most lawyers left their beer chugging days on the law library steps and now consider themselves connoisseurs of the finest hooch available.  In the grand tradition of giving readers what they want, Legal Jesus will be posting regularly about interesting and pretentious advances in the world of alcohol.  We’ll call it Pretentious Palates!

For our first PP post, we’d like to direct your attention to Popular Science magazine’s report on Pump-Your-Own wine kiosks, currently filling flasks throughout France.  “Dr. Vino” thinks they’ll be in the United States by 2011.  Start saving your empty bottles now!

  1. Wait, it’s a conflict of interest to bang out your client’s wife?  Hahahaha.  +The Volokh Conspiracy+
  2. Judge tosses a lawsuit against comedienne Sundra Croonquist who insulted her sister-in-law and mother-in-law with “false, defamatory, and racist lies.”    Unfortunately for Croonquist, although her act is not defamation, it’s not funny either. +Lawyers and Settlements+
  3. The Texas Board of Education is at it again — this time they’re trying to rid social study text books of all that pro-Islamic/anti-Christian hokum.  How else to explain that we elected a Muslim president?! +Houston Chronicle+
  4. Don’t Mess with Texas Attorney Email Addresses! For some reason, there’s a law in Texas that “provides that the e-mail address of a person licensed to practice law in this state may not be disclosed to the public if the person to whom the information relates notifies the State Bar in writing or electronically, on a form provided by the Bar, that he or she chooses to restrict public access to that information” — woo whee!  I sure no one looks at the firm websites where those email addresses are listed! +Tex Parte Blog+
  5. No, it’s not an illegal pat search if a cop is just helping you pull your pants back up.  Classic judicial quote: “Perhaps [Breci] decided to raise Wiggins’ pants to afford him a bit of dignity regardless of her planned search,” [Judge] Ross wrote in the opinion. “Or perhaps she wanted to avoid the risk of contacting his genitalia through his underwear during her pat-search.” +Minneapolis Star Tribune+ via +How Appealing+

Everyone’s favorite drunken text website, Texts From Last Night, has its share of disgusting, hilarious, and regret-inducing text messages.  We’ve culled the best of the lawyer-related texts.  Enjoy the top 5, plus 4 additional ones that combine sex and law school like you remember…


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First time ever! And boy did they wuss out. Tiers?! I wanted a real live winner.  Oh well. Check it out to see if your firm was disgraced by being Third Tier trashed (the TTT comes to firms with the imprimatur of USN&WR!).

USN&WR also interviews law prof William Henderson from Indiana University-Bloomington Law School to get his take on the future of the law firm model. He reminds us that the “large U.S.-based law firms shrank in head count 6 percent domestically from 2008 to 2009.”

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I’ll point you to this, without comment, but with music video (after the jump):

IT WAS definitely a first. A dozen lawyers sat in the Federal Court and watched a six-foot-four Belgian as he was passed a Vegemite sandwich and poured a pair of frothy beers.

Toes tapped and grins spread across otherwise dour faces as music videos and recordings of the hit song Down Under were played on large screens.

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